ºдಠ
by Kerekyan
Summary: Seriously, when you go to Candyland, always make sure to bring extra condoms...\CRACK!/
1. Part 1

A/N: This is pure crack. What this is, I don't even-

But anyways, I just kinda typed this up on the spot, so I don't think I'm gonna finish it. I was bored. This is what happens. XD

What you are about to read will make NO sense what so ever, and will probably have you going WTF did I just read. Readers discretion is advised.~

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><p>"Alright..." England snickered, his dark magician cloak draped over him, book of magic-y magic spells in hand. Today he was gonna do it. Today he was gonna cast out the spell that would do something so completely epic, the author of this crack fic couldn't even think of what it was.<p>

England smiled to himself, as he then began to chant, "Holo-chollo-waiter-gaidder-candy-mountian-milkdud-leatherbelt-dump-truck-WTF-slickback-vagasil!" Suddenly, the poorly drawn circle on the floor, oddly similar to a transmutation circle from FMA began to glow a light green color.

"Yes! It worked!" England cheered, closing the book shut. Though, it was then that a loud knock at the door to the room Arthur was in was heard, causing the Brit to jump.

"Yo, Iggy~! What's up man, your late for the meeting!" An American voice called from behind the door.

"Mon ami~ Are you in there, onhonhonhon?" A french voice added.

England panicked, they can't come in here! They'd see his spell, and find out his secret! "U-uh, just a minute~!" He yelled back in reply, as he began frantically looking around the room for God knows why.

"Iggy!" America called again, after a few moments, "What are you doing in there, come on, dude!"

At this time, England was getting frustrated, looking from the door, back to the glowing circle.

"GOD DAMMIT, I'M HUNGRY!" Romano stated in the hallway, becoming impatient, "IF THIS BASTARD DOESN'T HURRY UP, IMMA BREAK IN THERE AND BUST A CAP IN THAT BASTARDS ASS!"

"Fratello~!" Italy gasped, "That's not nice!"

"Yes, monsieur, onhonhonhon, please be patient." France joined in, giving a hair flip.

"Yes, I agree, aru. You're aura giving off bad vibe. It bring everyone down." China added.

"MY AURA? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THIS IS, DOCTOR PHIL?" Romano replied, "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, YOU DAMN POTATO EATER?"

Germany, who was standing close by, looked over at Romano, as he casually began eating some wurst that came out of who knows where, "I wasn't even laughing." He stated.

"YES YOU WERE YOU FUCKING BASTARD! IMMA COME OVER THERE AND JAB THAT FORK RIGHT UP YOUR FUCKING-"

"Ve~ Doitsu," Italy interrupted, sticking a finger out to the wurst, "that reminds me of the thing big brother France used to stick in my mouth when I was little~!"

"WAIT, WHA-"

"Woah, dude! What's with the bright light!" America shouted, referring to the door England was behind that everyone seemed to forget about.

"Watch out!" England called from behind the door as the green light brightened, eventually bursting from the room, knocking the door off it's hinges, a strong wind pushing back and blinding everyone.

"What going on!" China yelled, blocking his face.

"IT'S HIROSHIMA ARRU OVER AGAIN!" Japan screamed in horror.

"PORQUE?"

~One dialogue filler later~

The countries then looked around, the blinding light subsiding. They all looked around, seeing something they had never imagined possible because they didn't expect this and it was kind out of the blue and they're all shocked and they never thought this would happen to them and they don't know how they got here and they don't believe this is happening and why they were brought here but they think it must be a sign because someone could feel that today was going to be a strange day and that something evil is after they're brain matter but was to afraid to tell anyone else and they have to get back home and if they don't find the key of cleeshay name here then their whole world is in danger plus themselves, but they are going to end up living in the end anyway because they are the chosen ones sent from a time in the past but they don't remember it but they do later and then they beat the bad guy and win the internet for the lulz. -WARNING: SPOILER

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS PLACE?" Romano gasped in shock, spotting that they were now in a meadow of some sort, with flowers blooming everywhere and many small cute animals running about.

"Oh no, onhonhonhon, where are we!" France cried out.

"Heheheh~..." England sheepishly laughed out, rubbing the back of his neck, "Looks like my spell messed up again..." He said.

"What?" America questioned, "What'do you mean, spell?"

Everyone then turned their attention towards England, giving him questioning looks.

England sighed, as he then prepared to explain to the countries what had happened, "Well, here go's..."

~ One dialogue filler later ~

"Ve~ So you mean to tell us you can preform magic and stuff~?" Italy clarified.

"Well, yeah.." England replied.

"SO THIS WAS ALL YOUR FAULT, BILLBOARD BROW?" Romano yelled.

"Yes, b-but-"

"THAT'S IT, I'VE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH YOUR SHIT ALL DAY!" Romano began.

"But it only been ten minute.." China interjected, which Romano ignored.

"YOU BETTER FIX THIS HOGWARTS, OR ELSE I'M GONNA SMACK YOU SO FUCKING HARD, YOU'LL SHIT RAINBOWS!"

"lolwhut?"

Germany raised a brow, "That-that doesn't even make any-"

"Don't worry guys, I can get us home. There's just one problem.." England said ignoring Romano's comment.

"WE'RE OUT OF CONDOMS, ONHONHONHON?" Frace horrifyingly asked, bringing his hands to cover his agape mouth.

"...We have to find my spell book. It must've transported itself somewhere else around here." England awkwardly finished, staring wide eyed at the frenchman.

"Oh, that's totally easy~!" America smiled, "Don't worry, dude. I, being the epic and amazing hero I am, will find your spell book in no time!"

"Speaking of 'here'," Japan jumped in, "what exactury is this purace?"

"Candyland, mon ami~" France spoke, pointing to a rickity old sign aparently hanging to the left of them by a tree, "onhonhonhon~"

"Hey, when did that get ther-" Germany began to ask, but got cut off.

"Ve~ look! A rabbit!" Italy pointed out at a white rabbit, happily hoping along a dirt path in front of them, "Friend!" He exclaimed, opening his arms out wide, as he began to run in the direction of the rabbit.

"DINNER." Romano also exclaimed, still hungry. Eyeing the rabbit as well, giving chase after it, as he then began racing his brother for the creature.

"Oh no! Come on guys, let's follow them so they don't get lost just happen to run across a giant metroid thing with 65 claws that only I can defeat, and eventually save the day, becoming everyone's hero FTW~!" America proclaimed, as he too, started after them.

"Yeah, maybe your book is sat wei tuu~!" Japan suggested towards England, following suit after, and then all the rest of the countries cause I'm too lazy to write the rest, da!

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><p>(ºдಠ) whut?<p> 


	2. Part 2!

_DEAR DIARY. I'VE BEEN STUCK HERE FOR 5 DAYS NOW WITHOUT WATER OR FOOD, AND MY LITTLE BROTHER, WHICH I MAY HAVE TO EAT. AT THIS POINT CANNIBALISM IS MY ONLY OPTION, BUT I'M SURE HE'LL ENJOY A NICE LIFE IN TOILET PIPES WHEN HE COMES OUT OF MY ASS CRACK._

"Ugh! We've been here for almost ten minutes now! We'll never catch that rabbit!" Italy exclaimed in a huff, as he turned to look over at Romano, who seemed to have a distant, and observant look on his face, staring back. Italy became uncomfortable.

"Ve~, fratello...why are you looking at me like that..?"

**º****д****ಠ ****- Part Twoooo thingy~!**

"Aiyah! There so many tree and branch, you almost break hip, so terrible, aru! In China, you no have this problem, you leave here, you get on plane, you get off, you go to jungle, you see what I talk about, you no have problem thar, aru, 100% clean guarentee! No refunds! CASH BACK WARENTEE, ARU"

"Are you sure this is where they went, America?" Questioned England. The group had been walking for quite a distance, looking for the two missing Italys. And some of them were getting antsy.

"YEAH, fer realz, dawg. Trust me, dah hero knows where he be goin', homes! No need to frett, Jet." America replied, throwing back a peace sign, as he lead the way.

"I hope we find sem soon. I'm starting to get worried. China's starting to get into his curerksman mood again." Japan claimed, as he picked up the pace, looking back doubtfully at the other Asian.

"I no getting into mood, aru, you no tell me otherwise, I see what you do! You try-you put it on me, try to tell everyone it my fault, aru, but I see what you do! I see! I know because I put special tracking chip in your MIND, ARU. I KNOW, SO DON'T YOU TELL ME. (ARU)"

"...Wa-wait, yuu put what in mai hea-"

"Check it out mah home-skillin-biscuts! There thay be, you see whut I'm sayin'?" America pointed.

"Oh, Italy! Romano! So glad we found you guys!" England called out to them, with a wave. It was almost instantly, that Italy was now by their side, with Romano slowly trailing afterward. Germany could only silently face palm.

"Ve~ guys! I'm so happy to see you again! Fratello was starting to get weird, and kept asking me if I prefered slow roasted or deep fried. Whatever that means~!"

"I could think of five good reasons, onhonhonhon~..." -KINKY!-

"IS THERE AT LEAST A DAMN COLA MACHINE IN THIS FUCKING PLACE?" Romano questioned, throwing his arms into the air in frustraition, "I MEAN DAMN, I GATTA HAVE SOMETHING." Romano caps raged.

"Look," England began, "We can worry about food later. Right now, it's our pryority to get my spell book, and get us outta here."

"How we gon' do dat?" America questioned.

"Yes. Sis supposed 'Candyrand' seems to be a huge purace. I doubt we'ru be abrule to cover the whole sing by night.." Japan inquired.

"And how exactly do you know that, Japan? We've only been here for twenty minutes." Germany spoke out, for like, the first time in this chapter.

"Simpureerl. The mechanisms of my mind are an anigma..."

"Wow, homie. Dat was deep..."

"Hey, has America always been talking like that?"

"He's reliving the 90's."

"Ve~, you mean like Micheal Jackson and stuff?"

"Well sorta. Micheal Jackson was back in the 80's, mainly."

"Oh, we're talking about Micheal Jackson!.? I love that guy!"

"Yeah, have you guys seen his movie?"

"It was pretty good, I guess.."

"I liked it!"

"Hold on, why are we talking about Micheal Jackson..?"

"Well you see-"

"DAMMIT, I CAN'T TELL WHO THE HELL IS SPEAKING."

"Oh, look! There's the rabbit!"

"Ve! Now maybe I can catch it~!"

"AWH HELL NO, THE ONLY ONE WHO'S CATCHING THAT RABBIT IS ME. I'M FUCKING HUNGRY."

"No way, I called her first!"

"Bloody hell, Prussia, when'd you get here!"

"Onhonhonhonhon~... ;D"

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><p><strong>MORAL OF THE STORY: BE DESCRIPTIVE. <strong>

**I think my soul died just a little bit, writing that...XD I thought I'd just add another part to this for the lulz.**

**Boredness is a dangerous thing kiddos! It makes you come up with crap like this! :O**

**There is seriously something wrong with me...**


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